You asked.

I have a pre-assignment for an A-term class on “spiritual autobiography” that sort of jauntily asks us to make a short introduction video including “one thing that others may not know about you.”

I know this is meant to be a cutesy ice-breaker for the Covid-era classroom, and that we’re supposed to play along in the cheerful spirit in which the request is obviously being made. But am I the only one who, when faced with a prompt like this, wants to fliply reveal something outrageous in a “you asked for it” move?

There’s so much about this request I find triggering right off the bat. First of all: I don’t know who else is in the class or if they know anything at all about me. And if they don’t, why would I reveal something “others may not know about me” to a group of absolute strangers–on video? Before I start, can I at least have some assurance this can’t be used against me in a court of law?

Of course, most everyone will go the innocuous “unpopular opinion” route. There will be at least one “most people don’t know I like pineapple on my pizza.” There will for sure be an “I grew up in Connecticut,” or something like it. Maybe an “I can’t stop bingeing Saved By the Bell!” if we’re a real racy bunch.

That might be as close to “too real” as we get, but I kinda hope not, because I’m thinking my “one thing you may not know about me” might be: “my fifth grade teacher tried to make out with me and when I told my mother all she said was: I figured he was that type.’”

Also: I’m fine with pineapple on pizza.

Hey, you asked.

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